I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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