Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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