Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
