idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
