dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
