I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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