I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
