"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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