just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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