Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
