if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
