Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
