Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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