Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
