the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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