i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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