i permit you to call me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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