You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
