someone threw a dead crab at me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
