I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my liver is dry heaving
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize