I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
