Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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