I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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