Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
