If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
