They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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