Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh god it's open bar.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
