I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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