Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
