Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
