me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
