It's like a parade of train wrecks.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
