Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
