So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
