Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
