i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
