well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
