he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
