why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
