be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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