"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
