there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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