We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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