When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
