Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
