Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
