what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
