you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
