i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
