remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's like heaven, but drunker
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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