dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
