Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
