Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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