I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
