what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
