it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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