I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
