Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
