Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
