It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
