i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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