and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
