I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
