Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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