And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
