I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize