Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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