Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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