Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
