Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
