Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need water and some morals
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
