I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
