Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
