my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
