We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
