No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
