sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
