So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
